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Episode 95: Thoughts on a Life (That’s About To End?)

So, Moogoo Guypan, the only real friend I’ve ever had in this world, thinks I should do the noble Roman thing and throw myself on my sword.  Maybe he’s right.  After all I’ve accomplished, it would be a shame if I were remembered as the guy who embezzled—no, no embezzling implies some creativity—as the guy who blatantly stole all the money from his venerable father’s company and ran it into the ground.  After the court system gets through with me, that’s all people will remember.  Well, that and the fact that I was the upstanding citizen who secretly got his kicks by crushing waitresses’ skulls and pulling down their pants....  

If I were to kill myself, sure there’d be lots of rumours and speculation, but ultimately I bet it would be viewed as a tragedy....  

Would people think I was weak for doing it?  No, they’d see that I was one of a rare breed who is intelligent enough to know when the time is right, and strong-willed enough to go through with it.  And they’ll be sorry when I’m gone.  Oh man, will they be sorry....

Steel Bolt was sitting at his desk in his study at stately Bolt Manor.

Seems a shame though to end a life this distinguished so prematurely.  Think of all the things I wanted to accomplish but never did.  Fathering a child, for one.  But it’s not like that’s ever going to happen, he thought, glancing spitefully at his groin.

And furthermore think, I mean really think, about all the things that exist in this world that I never got a chance to do.  I don’t just mean good things.  I mean all the things.  It’s tragic really: So many experiences I’ll never get to have.

At that moment Steel’s gaze fell upon the bar in the corner of his office.  More specifically, a decanter full of a golden liquid caught his attention.  The liquor his father used to drink. 

I’ve never even had a drink in my life....

Continue Reading: Episode 96: Assorted Sordid Sorts, Part 1