Episode 46: Talkin' Phony 'Bout Matrimony

Viveka Bolt and Hugh Rection were sitting cross-legged on the floor of his apartment, eating Chinese takeout directly from the cartons.  The room was awash in candlelight as soft music wafted from his crude stereo system.  

Suddenly seized by the romance of the moment, Viv reached out and caressed her beloved’s cheek.  “Are you excited, my sweet baby?  Less than 48 hours until I become your wife.  Mrs. Viveka Bolt-Rection, I like the sound of that.”

“Of course, I’m excited,” Hugh answered, though the flatness of his tone didn’t exactly bolster those words. 

“I’m amazed we were able to organize the whole thing in a month.”

“Well, you deserve all the credit for that.”

“It’s going to be so beautiful.  Steel has the workmen putting in double shifts to get the chapel ready.  It was in a sad state of disrepair.  No one has used it since Daddy and Mommy died.”

“That’s nice of Steel.”

“What’s even nicer is that he agreed to give me away.  He’s my brother and I know he loves me, but you can never tell how Steel is going to react to certain things.”


“And Warren from work has agreed to be your best man?”


“Consuela’s going to be my maid of honour.  I know it sounds weird to have our housekeeper as my maid of honour, but the truth is I don’t really have any female friends.  I spent those years when I was drinking—the lost years before I found you—severing all of my relationships.  Consuela is actually one of the best friends I’ve ever had.”

“She seems nice.”

Viveka reached out and ran her fingers through Hugh’s hair, then she licked her thumb and wiped a bit of grime from his cheek.  “I’m so looking forward to our wedding night, sweetheart.”  

Had the candles been brighter, Viveka would have been able to see Hugh blush.  Actually maybe not, because as soon as she made that statement, he became fascinated with his socks.  It was this very issue—her expectations of his performance in their marital bed—that was causing his trepidation.  He loved Viveka more than he had ever loved anyone, and he had no problem pledging to spend the rest of his life with her, but the idea of having sex with her kind of repulsed him.

She continued wistfully; “You know, I’m glad we only made love that one time.  When you think about it, we were so drunk that night, our honeymoon will actually be like our first experience together.”  Viveka had convinced herself that their sexual encounter was strange only because they were intoxicated.  She firmly believed that the next time their genitals came into contact, it would be wonderful.  “I can’t wait for you to take me in your strong arms and—”

Hugh jumped to his feet: “Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this.” 

“Oh ... alright.” 

“What I meant was, uh, if we keep talking about it I’ll have a hard time not taking you right now.” 

Viveka chose to ignore the fact that his explanation had all the passion of a dial tone.  To alleviate the tension, she started on another subject: “The forecast says it’s going to be beautiful on Saturday.  Sunny, but not too hot.  Oh, our wedding is going to be perfect.  Nothing could possibly go wrong.” 

Continue Reading: Episode 47: In Which An Attempted Rape Occurs